hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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