Old men and throwing up are my life now.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
