Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We are two peas in an std pod
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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