Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
