at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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