32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize