where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
