You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
