i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
