she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I currently don't understand fingers.
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