I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
