you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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