Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
