ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
