that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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