I'm so fucking centered right now
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
