The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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