they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
