Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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