im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
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