so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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