so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
