he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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