Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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