I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
