he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
