my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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