hotel room ftw
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
