i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
