That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
