three words: i give head
three words: not that well
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
