I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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