all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
