dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
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It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
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i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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