the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
