margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
