come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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