Pappa wants mamma naked
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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