Kiss
Puke
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
