watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
