Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
