I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
