A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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