I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
