so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
