I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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