awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
