I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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