five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
