Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He passed out mid-signature
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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