I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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