I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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