I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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