she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
