So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
