we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just gargled with NyQuil
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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