There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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