I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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