Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
