im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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