i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
