i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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