Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
