white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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