its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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