About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
