I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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