On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
