he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
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At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
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Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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